The Promise of Love Page 11

  “I know, I’m sorry. You need to know that I only want you.” I nuzzled into his neck and could smell his cologne. I leaned back up and kissed him again. Matt shut off the TV, and we lay back down together. I knew it wasn’t as simple as that—I had hurt him after all, but at least I had been honest about the whole thing. We didn’t need those kinds of secrets between us. I worried that he would lie awake that night thinking about Ben and I, and I didn’t want that. There was nothing I could do about it though. It would be up to me to make him forget all that—I would just love him as much as possible. I sighed deeply and nuzzled closer to Matt as I started to fall asleep.

  13

  Chapter Thirteen

  Katie

  * * *

  Four months later

  * * *

  I was at an AIDS fundraiser, and the room was jam-packed with people all around. I was weeks away from my wedding, and it was the only thing that occupied my mind. I was trying to focus on the event, but all I was thinking about was the dress I had designed for my wedding. It was almost ready, and I was excited to see myself in it.

  “My god, your ass looks great in that dress, Katie.”

  Shocked, I turned to see the man behind the comment, and my mouth dropped to the floor. Ben was there, standing right behind me, and seeing him caused my breath to catch. It pissed me off that he was still as handsome as the last time I’d seen him. Why did he have such a hold on me still? Just seeing him there made my heart beat out of my chest.

  “Is that any way to talk to a lady?”

  “I just wanted to catch your attention, that’s all.”

  Ben had always been that dreamy guy that you couldn’t get enough of, and that didn’t seem to change no matter how long we stayed away from each other. He had an easy smile that always made me feel safe, even though it was the last feeling I should have around him. I suddenly wished that I had insisted that Matt come to the event, even though he had to work. I hadn’t expected Ben to be there, otherwise I would have.

  “What are you doing here, Ben?”

  “Aside from letting you know you have a great ass? I would think that would be obvious?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I hope you aren’t here for me. I’m an engaged woman now, soon to be married. The wedding is in a few weeks.”

  His eyes narrowed at me. “Yes, I had heard something like that through the grapevine. You don’t think you might be rushing into things? You couldn’t have been dating more than a few months—unless you were with him while we were together.”

  “I wasn’t. Not that I have to explain any of that to you.”

  “You don’t need to be so hostile toward me, Katie. I’m not here to hurt you.” Ben moved in closer to me, and suddenly my heart started to beat faster than I was comfortable with. He was currently invading my space, and it made me feel a little unsteady.

  “I don’t mean to be hostile, but we didn’t leave each other on the best of terms.”

  “My fault, I know. I was a little upset at your departure.”

  I nodded, unsure of what else there was to say.

  “Do you want to go somewhere and talk? I promise you won’t regret it.”

  He was whispering in my ear, and chills ran up my spine. How did he still have such an effect on me after all this time? It puzzled me to no end. I pushed him away from me, and I was finally able catch my breath.

  “No, thanks. I think I would like to stay with the party.”

  He chuckled and I couldn’t help but enjoy the twinkle he had in his eyes when he focused them on me. Ben moved toward me, and I took a step back, feeling confused. He was still smiling, as if he was a predator seeking out his prey.

  “You’re not curious as to what I might have to say?”

  “No. I can’t imagine what you could say to me at this point. What’s done is done.”

  “Have a drink with me. C’mon, we’re both in a room full of strangers.”

  “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

  Ben moved in close to me again, and I wondered if I was going to be okay. He had a problem with personal space, and it was affecting me greatly. Chills went up my spine as his hand grazed my cheek. My skin tingled when he lifted his hand away. My throat felt dry, and I was rendered completely speechless.

  “I think you get more beautiful every time I see you, Katie.”

  I was having a hard time thinking. I wasn’t sure what had come over me, but I knew that being around Ben in any manner was a bad idea. I couldn’t allow myself to get sucked in by him. I had always loved the way he talked to me, but those days were over and I needed to move on with my life. I was getting married, for goodness’ sake—I shouldn’t even be having a conversation with Ben. What would Matt think?

  Ben must have had a ton of eligible women around him all the time. Women who would die to be on his arm even if it was for just one night—so why did he keep coming back for me? It was maddening having a man pursue me when I had no idea what he wanted from me. We were on totally different pages all the time, and yet he kept coming back into my life. It had to end.

  I felt his hand move to the small of my back, and I gasped when warmth followed after.

  “We could be so hot together, Katie, if you just let it happen.” He was whispering in my ear again, and his hand moved to my ass when he did so, squeezing it gently. I gasped.

  I pushed him off me, feeling my blood boil in the process. When I did, I knocked into his arm and the drink he was carrying tipped. My mouth dropped as the drink spilled down the front of me.

  “Oh shit,” muttered Ben.

  I looked down at my dress in horror and felt like crying.

  “You idiot. How could you?”

  Ben quickly turned to find some napkins on a nearby table. When he returned, he started dabbing at my breasts. I snatched the napkin out of his hand and glared at him. I was absolutely furious with him. My night was going downhill fast.

  “What on earth do you think you’re doing? Look at my dress, Ben—and you want to cop a feel now?”

  He chuckled and it made me want to strangle him. “Calm down. I wasn’t trying to feel you up. I feel terrible about the drink, and I was only trying to help.”

  “Oh, well, thank god you were here. I’m going to have to go home now before the party has even started. Just look what you did to it. You are driving me insane!”

  “That could be a good thing, right?”

  “Ugh! Just leave me be, Ben.”

  He grabbed my arm, and it took my attention away from the dress. “Katie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spill the drink on you. I would never want to ruin your night.”

  “Well, did you think it was appropriate to grab my ass? I’m not a single woman any longer.”

  “I thought you might like it. You used to like it. I just can’t imagine you marrying that guy.”

  I couldn’t help but shake my head. He really was trying to make me lose my mind that much was obvious. I had never seen anyone more confident than Ben, and for some stupid reason it was still so appealing to me. There was some weird gravitational pull between us, and I couldn’t deny it even if I wanted to. It didn’t help that he was an exceptionally good-looking man. But the moment he opened his mouth, I felt like slapping him. I had no idea how it felt to walk around so self-assured all the time, but Ben had it down to a tee. He wasn’t fazed at all by the fact that I was so unimpressed with him.

  “Aren’t you going to congratulate me on my acquittal?”

  I softened a bit when he said that. “I actually saw that on the news. Congratulations. I was very happy to see that you were going to be okay.”

  “Thank you.”

  Ben brushed my hair behind my ear, and I looked up at him with surprise. His touch was like having electricity move through my body. I never felt that way with Matt. With him, it was always about feeling safe—and that was the way you wanted to feel with your spouse, right?

  I looked up into his eyes, and my breathing became labored.
My heart started beating fast in my chest, and my dress was all but forgotten. I needed him to back off, to give me some space. I was overwhelmed by Ben, especially having him so close to me.

  “Look, you need to stop touching me. What’s wrong with you? You can’t just put your hands on me whenever you want.”

  He smiled and the way he was looking at me stopped me from speaking. “I always loved how sassy you were. I miss that.”

  “Oh please, Ben, spare me.”

  “I do.”

  I threw my hands up in the air, feeling beyond frustrated with him.

  He laughed. “Look, I can help you with the dress. There is no reason you have to leave. C’mon, I have an idea. We’ll fix that dress if I have to suck every last drop out of it.”

  I couldn’t believe the things that came out of his mouth. I couldn’t help but laugh. Ben grabbed my hand and led me through groups of people. I blushed furiously at the thought that people were seeing me so unhinged—and with a cocktail down the front of me no less. I knew I needed to get away from Ben as quickly as possible. He was trouble, and I shouldn’t be going anywhere with him. How had I managed to get tangled up with him again in a matter of minutes? He always seemed to have such a power over me that I just followed him wherever he went.

  We slipped into the hallway, and Ben still held my hand as if he was saving me from something. It wasn’t long before we found the women’s bathroom, and we slipped inside.

  “I really don’t think I need you in here, Ben. What if someone walks in?”

  I pulled my hand from his and instantly felt the absence of it. It made me feel sad that there was a level of longing there still. I sighed deeply and watched him as he turned on the tap and tested the temperature. He then grabbed some paper towels and dampened them enough they wouldn’t make my dress any worse than it was—which was saying a lot. The stain wasn’t that horrible—at least he hadn’t been drinking Coke.

  I watched as he dabbed lightly on my dress, and I almost smiled as he did so. No—I was not going to let myself get pulled in by him again. The stain was actually disappearing, but now my dress was wet, which wasn’t much better. It looked terrible, and I felt tears spring up in my eyes.

  “The stain is gone, thank you.”

  “I told you it would work out.”

  “It’s wet, Ben. I can’t go out like this.”

  He took a look around the bathroom and smiled. I looked to where he was looking and couldn’t help but smile with him. “This will work,” he said.

  “You’re brilliant.”

  “I know,” he said with a wink. He pulled me over to the dryer and pushed the button. Hot air blasted onto the dress, and I watched as it started to dry. I had to give him some credit for the quick thinking. I couldn’t be happier that the issue was being solved. I had just arrived at the party and didn’t want to return home so early. I was hoping to enjoy myself and do some good for a great cause. I was determined to enjoy myself whether Ben was there to annoy me or not.

  “It’s working, thank god. You’re lucky, because I was going to kill you.”

  “Right, that wouldn’t have been good. You’re welcome though. I’m glad I could help. I hope the dress isn’t ruined.”

  I was about to answer him when I felt his warmth behind me. He was so close that I could feel his breath against my neck. His mouth was close to my ear when he whispered, “There’s just something about you, Katie. I go nuts when I’m around you. Being near you feels right—I know you can feel it too.”

  My eyes fluttered closed, and the heat from his body so close to mine ignited a fire inside of me. I felt dizzy, and when his hands found their way to my ass, I thought I might faint.

  “So firm.”

  I gasped. I did not want to be feeling this way with him, but my body felt completely different. I wanted to be consumed by him in every way. One minute I had been appalled by what he did to my dress, and the next I was okay with his hands on my body.

  I shuddered beneath his touch and allowed myself to feel everything my body was telling me. I was burning up, and I could barely stand it. There was a throb between my legs that I hadn’t felt in some time. Things were just different between Matt and me—not bad, just not all-consuming. That was a good thing though—I didn’t need to feel like I was in another world all the time. Matt was someone that would keep me safe no matter what. And what’s more, Matt actually wanted me—all the time, not just when it was convenient.

  I tried to shake off the sensations coursing through my body and listen to my head. I needed to stop things before they got out of control. I did not want to be feeling anything for Ben. He was the one who had walked away from me without a word. It had been his choice. He couldn’t just keep coming back into my life and confusing me like that. I had always been so attracted to him though, but where had that ever gotten me? I just continued to get hurt by him. I turned around suddenly, forcing his hands to leave my ass. He pushed me against the wall.

  “Ben, stop, we can’t do this.”

  It was like he didn’t hear me as he smiled and bent down to kiss me. His kiss was just how I remembered it to be—warm and inviting. I kissed him back and felt the same passion and intensity between us. I had never felt so raw in all my life—he just opened me up again. We kept kissing and those kisses were taking my breath away. I pushed against his chest, knowing that I had to put a stop to it.

  “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? You feel so incredible.”

  “It’s too much, Ben. I can’t do this, and you know that.”

  “That’s not true. You want this—I know you do. You are with the wrong man. How can you not see that?”

  He smiled as he bent down to me again. I had zero control at that moment, and I was losing the ability to care. I wanted to be consumed, and he was confusing me. Why was he so confident that I belonged with him when he had yet to claim me? Would it be so bad to just let go with him, let him claim me? I could barely think straight anymore, and when he kissed me, I had to wonder if I had made the wrong choice. If Matt was the one, then how could I feel this intensity with another man? I couldn’t remember the last time I had felt that way before, but it was a feeling I only ever thought about when Ben was around. I longed for the passion that I felt with Ben, but he was a loose cannon, someone I couldn’t depend on.

  Ben continued to kiss me, tasting my lips over and over again. I could smell his musky scent, and it drove me crazy. He cupped my chin and kissed my mouth gently. We started off softly but then continued with increasing intensity. His mouth pressed hard against mine, and I moaned softly. His hands were in my hair, tugging gently. We were so close together, it was like we were one. Ben’s tongue entered my mouth and played with mine. He took my tongue into his mouth, and he sucked on it slowly. I moaned, eager to have him. His kisses consumed me as he licked and nipped at my lips. I was losing control—I could feel it. I felt paralyzed beneath his touch, and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. He had total control of my body, and I didn’t think that I could pull away even if I wanted to. I just knew that I needed him more than anything. He was such a good kisser; I had almost forgotten.

  Ben cupped my breasts in his hands and kneaded them. My nipples grew hard underneath his touch.

  “You make me insane, Katie. Your body is incredible. I want you out of that dress.”

  I gasped in shock. Did he really think we were going to have sex in the bathroom? I glanced toward the door, surprised we hadn’t already been discovered. I wasn’t sure what I would do if someone walked in on us right then. I would be so embarrassed.

  The thoughts that ran through my mind were also embarrassing. I wanted him, and the images going through my brain were taking over any rational thought I might have. I couldn’t believe that Ben had managed to get me pinned up against a wall in the women’s bathroom. I knew that I should get away from him, pull away and run out of the bathroom. That would be the best thing I could do, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. My physical side ha
d completely taken over, and I wanted to be there with him. I enjoyed his hands on my body, and I had to admit to myself that I had missed him terribly. His tongue explored my mouth, and I felt lost inside.

  He began to lift my dress, and I froze. He was going to try to have sex with me right then and there. Would I let him?

  His hands were on my ass once again, and I moaned against his kisses. I heard voices outside of the door, and that snapped me immediately back to reality.

  “Wait, stop. There’s someone outside.”

  He froze and it sounded like someone was about to come into the bathroom. I looked down at myself and was so angry with myself that I had allowed myself to be in that position. I pushed him off me and fled the bathroom, almost running into a woman coming in. Ben called out after me, but I kept going until I found myself outside of the hotel and looking for a cab.

  14

  Chapter Fourteen

  Katie

  I woke up and lay there in bed, realizing that I was going to be getting married the next morning. My god, it had come quick, sneaking up on me when I had least expected it. One minute I had been single, and the next I was there, a day away from getting married. I couldn’t believe how time had flown, though we hadn’t had a long engagement at all. In fact, it had been only a few months—it was just what we had wanted. I had wondered though if maybe a longer engagement would have been better so I had a clearer picture of my future.

  What had happened between Ben and me at the AIDS benefit had confused me more than ever. I had stayed up all night tossing and turning. I couldn’t figure out what had happened between us or why I was so connected to Ben. I didn’t have that feeling with Matt, and that was what kept me up at night. I worried that maybe there was something wrong with our relationship. I knew that I loved Matt, but did I love someone else more? We just didn’t have the same kind of intense physical and mental connection as I did with Ben. Was that a bad thing? Or was it just something that lots of people learned to live without? I wasn’t sure. It had bothered me for days until I got back into the groove of my daily routine and just chose not to think about it any longer.